Akatsuki Headaches
by Alcemistnv
Summary: The Akatsuki are going through some..random times shall I say. And Konan happens to be the cause of many of them! Just how far will this bluenette go before she finally has had enough?
1. Chapter 1

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A/N: Yay! I finally had an idea for the Akatsuki XD

Anyways, I was listening to some songs by Hector Acosta and Aventura while writing (which i don't get why I don't listen to that while writing my Espada fic......)

For all of those people who are hoping for more Curiosity Almost Killed the Cat, it's coming...I'm just really busy with moving...

Warnings....hmmm....Language but I kinda added stars....and pairings.....possibly the typical

*large breath* Peinkonan hidakaku zetstobi kisaita sasodei and anything in between (prob not tho XD)

Dosclaimer: I own nothing!

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Akatsuki Headaches

It was a typical day in the Akatsuki hideout; save for one thing…the extremely feared Leader had a migraine. Pein placed his head on top of his arms as groaned. Konan walked in at that moment and got into a battle stance. There in front of her was her "lover", eyes drooping and paperwork scattered. She walked up to him and began massaging his shoulders which resulted in another groan meaning that that wasn't what was wrong. Konan instead used her special female powers and grabbed Pein's face EXTREMLY hard which resulted in a short yelp from his end and her being flipped over.

"What in the world is wrong with you?!" Konan yelled which resulted in Pein placing his hand on her mouth. "Mmmfgh?"

"Please, stop screaming, I have a really bad migraine…" Pein almost whispered to her. He picked himself up and plopped onto a nearby couch. Konan stared at him for what felt like an hour until she heard a soft snore from him. She giggled and walked out of the office.

"KONAN-CHAN! SEMPAI IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!" Konan tripped Tobi with her foot before kneeling down beside him.

"Tobi-kun, I think you should stop yelling, Leader-sama is sleeping. I don't think he will like being woken up." Tobi nodded and added with a whimper, "but sempai is trying to kill me…" Konan stood up and walked over to the kitchen where a certain blond was cooking.

"Maybe if I add some more flour then, nah, it won't work, un." Deidara was standing by the counter, a bowl of cake batter in his hands. He turned around to place it on the table and almost dropped it upon seeing Konan standing there. "Oh, it's just you Konan-chan, un. For a second I thought you were Sasori no Danna, un."

"Were you threatening Tobi again?" Konan placed her hands on her hips, a frown on her face. Deidara scoffed and started playing with a lock of his hair.

"Yea, of course, un. I was trying to make this cake when he ran up to me and made me drop the batter, twice, un. I was making this cake for Sasori no Danna…un." Konan sighed and placed a finger in the cake batter. "Un?"

"Hmm, vanilla with a slight hint of chocolate, is that right?" Deidara nodded and smiled.

"Yup, Danna's favorite!" (If this was an episode of some sort, Deidara would have those flowers around him, a random light shining on his face, and his hair flowing in some out of nowhere wind) Konan smiled back, but with less enthusiasm and walked away. As soon as she stepped foot into the living room, she regretted it.

"KAKUZU!!!!! WHERE THE F*** IS MY SCHYTHE?!?!?!?!?! I LEFT IT RIGHT HERE AND I KNOW YOUR A** WAS THE ONLY ONE IN THIS ROOM!!!!!" Konan heaved a huge sigh and walked towards one of the couches.

"Well sorry for removing things that happened to be in my way while I was carrying fragile items…" Kakuzu began before being interrupted.

"WELL SORRY IF I DON'T CONSIDER "DIRTY" DISHES FRAGILE! NOW WHERE THE F*** IS MY SCHYTE?!?!?!?! Was it you, Konan?" Hidan pointed at her before he began to fume. "Grrr. (I own this sentence XD ) I hope you all fall into a f***en ditch, lose your voice, break both arms and both of your legs!"

Konan ran up to the Jashinist and lifted him up in the air. "Do me a huge favor and SHUT UP. Pein is sleeping and I would appreciate it if you shut the F*** UP!"

Hidan gulped and nodded weakly. He knew one thing from experience; you don't mess with Konan when it came to letting Pein sleep. Once he woke up, it was either from being woken up by screaming or naturally. Konan would end up beating the crap out of them if they woke him up. And everyone knew that when it came to the person who designated chores and sleeping partners, yea, you didn't want to get her mad.

Within moments, a door opened from down the hall. Pein walked down the hallway and into the kitchen. He poured himself a cup of water before taking two painkillers (oh, the irony). He dumped the rest of the water into the sink before walking back to his room. Konan sighed before releasing Hidan.

"You're lucky you're still alive you piece of Jashinist sh-"

"Konan?" The blue haired kunoichi turned her head towards the source of the sound and found herself face to face with Itachi. "Do you know where Kisame is? I don't have the slightest clue and it's been bugging me." Konan almost laughed. The Uchiha was worried about Kisame? Maybe she could use this to her advantage. An evil plot almost immediately popped in her head.

"Last time I saw him he was with Zetsu and they were going into Sasori's room. Who knows, maybe Kisame will be a great puppet and don't worry about his insides, Zetsu probably took care of that." Konan watched as Itachi's face turned paler and then suddenly very serious.

"I'll talk to them personally about this, excuse me." He shoved past Konan and the Jashinist and walked towards Sasori's room. His hand hovered over the door knob for a minute before he drew a quick breath and turned it.

What he saw next would scar him for the rest of his life…..

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A/N: please add a review :3

Thankies!


	2. Not my Bubbles

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A/N: I was listening to...nothing. I was watching Ghost Rider. Anywayz.......

Disclaimer please!

Pein: Envy owns nothing....only the idea

Me: Thank you Pein. You may sleep now

PEin: Thanks...*walks away*

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Not my bubbles!

Itachi turned the doorknob and saw what would scar him for the rest of his life. Sasori was sitting by a white table with a pink, frilly dress on. He had a teacup in his hand and a cookie in the other. Standing next to him was Kisame in what appeared to be a white and pink suit. He too had a teacup and cookie. Itachi looked down when he heard a munching sound and found Zetsu's head, and he was eating something…….

Itachi turned around and closed the door before curling into a ball and sucking his thumb while rocking back and forth. Konan began to crack up and slapped Itachi on the back which resulted in him rolling down into his room. Sasori stepped out of the room and looked at Konan. She had her hands crossed over her chest.

"What exactly did you do to scare Itachi like that?" She asked. Sasori shrugged and walked out with the pink-and-white-clad Kisame. Deidara then popped up and stood in front of Sasori.

"Hey, Danna! Guess what? I made you cake!" Deidara held out the cake that he was working on before and put a huge smile on his face. Sasori placed a finger in the cake and put it in his mouth. He smiled at Deidara.

"Vanilla and a tad bit of chocolate, right?" Deidara nodded and then noticed Sasori's sudden frown. "Why does it taste like soap?"

Deidara shrugged and looked at the cake. "There shouldn't be any soap in it though…"

Suddenly a yell echoed through the halls. Sasori, Deidara, and Konan all turned their heads and Pein appeared in front of them wearing a towel around his waist. He looked angry and was holding an empty bottle.

"Why is all of my aroma theropy bubblebath soap gone?!" Pein yelled and turned the bottle upside down for proof. Kona shrugged again and walked away. Pein growled and stomped over to the cake. He placed a finger in it and took some and placed in his mouth. He turned away before a frown settled on his face. "Soap? Is this where my bubblebath soap went?" Deidara shook his head and placed a finger in the cake. He put it in his mouth and opened his eyes in shock.

"It is soapy, but why?" Konan walked over and did the same. She nodded in agreement and then looked at Pein. "Well it's no use now, time to blow it up!" Deidara made a hand sign and looked at his danna. "Katsu." The cake blew up which resulted in tons of bubbles to flood the room. (How did bubbles pop up from an exploding soap cake? I have no idea.) Pein yelled and began popping the bubbles. Konan began laughing and watched as Sasori and Deidara held hands and danced in the never ending bubbles. Pein turned around and walked away from the mess.

Meanwhile in the Uchiha room….

Itachi was suffering from shock and Hidan and Kakuzu were taking pictures of him to use as blackmail. Who didn't want to see Itachi sucking his thumb like a baby?

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A/N: I need more ideas... :(

anyone wanna review and help me?

Oh and thanks for the reviews on chapter 1 :D

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	3. Towels, Tea, andStrip poker!

A/N: Okay, sooo a lot of people probably hate that I haven't updated in forever...but......I've had a HUGE writing block. I moved on Halloween, and started school on November 18th and since then it seems like all I do is school work. Wellll...I finally made another chapter. Short, yes, but I can write more next time. For everyone who waited, thank you. :3

Hugs for all who commented on my last chapter!

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Towels and Tea..and Strip Poker?!

After the bubble mess was cleaned up, Pein found it hard to take his bath without the aroma therapy bubbles and instead he took a hot, and when I say hot I mean VERY HOT bath. Konan was walking around the hideout, picking up things here and there, like a teddy bear, or a clay model, or even a decapitated head. Zetsu followed around her like a loyal puppy and sometimes she would even throw a piece of raw meat at him. When she passed by the bathroom, she noticed that it had some steam seeping from the bottom of the door. She pulled out a skeleton key from her origami flower and opened the door. She put a finger to her lips at Zetsu, who closed the fly trap and sank to the floor. Konan stepped into the bathroom and saw that there was someone lying in the tub with small bubbles floating around them. Konan grabbed the shower curtain and mentally counted to 3. When she hit 3, she pulled the curtain aside. She expected to find someone, but instead there was a bubble mess. Konan moved the bubbles aside, looking for the hidden person. Suddenly, she felt someone tap her shoulder. Konan turned and saw Pein standing behind her with a towel loosely tied around his waist.

"What are you doing here?" Pein asked, an eyebrow raised slightly. Konan gave a small chuckle and turned around fully. She had seen Pein's body before when he was just in a towel but for some reason being alone with him while he WAS in a towel made her nervous. She stuttered and tried to find the right answer but before she could, Pein removed his towel and slipped back into the tub. Konan fell onto the floor, a bright red tinge on her cheeks.

Meanwhile………….Sasori was watching too much Toy Story and he had begun to learn every line of the movie. Deidara walked over to the puppet. "Hey, danna, I have a question." Sasori turned around and stared at Deidara with narrow eyes.

"My name is Mrs. Nesbitt." Sasori then daintily took a sip of tea and walked away with his shoulders swaying back and forth. Deidara stood in his place, a confused look on his face.

Meanwhile…elsewhere……Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi, Kisame, and Tobi where playing strip poker. So far Kisame was winning. After everyone else was practically nude, Kisame realized that there was something wrong. He used to be horrible at poker but now he was winning every hand. Little did he know that everyone was making him win just because they didn't want him taking off clothes. And so the game continued until he gave up because it was hopeless to lose.

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A/N: Yea I know, an abrupt stop. But I will try my hardest to update soon. :3

Reviews? I wuv them.


	4. Tsu's Tea part 1

A/N: I'm backkkkk!!!!!!

This is the first part of this chapter. There are two seperate endings, so if you are a Bleach fan, then you will want to read the next one. If you aren't. I'm afraid you are going to have to wait a couple days until I can do it. But until then, enjoy. :3

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Tsu's Tea

It was another odd, erm, normal day in the Akatsuki hideout. What made it even more "normal" was that Zetsu was split into his two halves (for the sake of this fanfic, Zet is the black side and Tsu is the white. This is how my sister and I name them.). Zet was sitting on the couch, head resting on Madara's (not Tobi, but Madara now. Mhuahahahaha) shoulder. His imaginary tail wagged back and forth, rocking his whole body. His purple and white striped hoodie stood out against Madara's black one. Konan sighed at the pitiful sight. Zet would never learn that no one wanted to treat a cannibalistic man as their pet. Everyone knows that dogs bite.

Tsu, meanwhile, was sitting at the dining room table. He had a small teacup in his hands, steam dancing on top. Konan could always find a friend in him, he was friendly, shy, and, and funny. Unless Tobi came out-then he became a prankster along with the orange masked man. Konan tilted her head back and placed a finger on her chin. She realized that she never tried Tsu's tea. It was rumored to be the best any Akatsuki member could make. There was a secret ingredient, she was told by Zet, but Tsu would never reveal it. Konan stood up and raised her head and pulled up her sleeves. She was going to ask Tsu what the secret ingredient was whether he liked it or not.

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A/N: Wellll, if you like this chapter, then click the green button. :D


	5. Tsu's Tea part 2Bleach fans

A/N: This is the ending for Bleach fans. Enjoy!

Ending 1: Bleach Fans

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Konan approached Tsu and placed a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and cocked his head to the side. Konan sat down next to him and grabbed his cup. He tried to take it back but Konan shoved a hand in his face. She swallowed the rest of the cup in a single sip and then threw the cup onto the table with a smile.

"That has to be the best tea I think I have ever had in my life. How do you do it?" Konan gave the cup back to the green-head, but he pushed it away with disgust.

"It's simple really; I think it's mainly the secret ingredient you taste." Konan pushed her face onto Tsu's cheek.

"So what is it, huh? You can tell me. I won't tell annnnnyyyyyoooonnnnneeee." Tsu backed away and sighed.

"Fine, I'll show it to you." He made a hand sign and a cloud of smoke appeared next to him. Standing next to him was………………..AIZEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aizen looked around him and placed a hand on his hip. "She wants to know the secret ingredient." He pointed to Konan. Aizen simply sighed before he opened a garganta and dragged Orihime out. The young girl was holding a small bucket with measurements on the side.

"I'll need her for this." Aizen pointed to Orihime. "And now! For the SECRET INGREDIENT!!!!" Konan made a drumroll effect and watched as….

Aizen sliced his arm off and let the blood collect in the bucket.

Orihime walked over to Aizen and used Sōten Kisshun to heal his arm. Konan stood, flabbergasted, behind Tsu. Her mouth dropped even more when she watched him pour some of the blood into the tea cup and then swirl it. Tsu handed her the cup, to which she quickly refused. She ran into her bedroom, paleness creeping on her face.

Aizen opened up the garganta again and pushed Orihime through it. "Was it really necessary to have to go through that? Obviously that's not how you make your tea."

Tsu snickered and dumped the blood from the bucket into the sink. "I know but she needs to learn how to keep her nose out of people's business. "

In the bedroom….

Konan was screaming to Pein about how Tsu was making tea out of people's blood. The ginger head nodded his head ignoring her comments on how disgusting it was. She needed to keep her nose out of people's business, he thought.

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A/N: Tell me what you think, please. I would like to know peoples' opinions on my story so far.


	6. Tsu's Tea part 2 for everyone

Sorry the the long break everyone. This is for everyone to enjoy. Please write a review once you have read!

I listened to Mindless Self Indulgence while writing this, so my writign mood was off.

I do not own Naruto

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Konan went over to Tsu and clapped him on the back. He spit his coffee out and nearly dropped the cup. She giggled nervously and sat down on a chair next to him. She pulled out a towel from her pocket and offered it to him. Tsu took it and wiped his mouth and clothing. He stood up, sighed and looked at Konan.

"Well? What was so important that you just HAD to shove me into my tea cup?" He asked with a hand on his hip. Konan sniggered and clapped her hands together.

"Do you think, Tsu, that you can teach me how to make such delicious tea?" Konan asked with a genuine smile on her face. Tsu raised an eyebrow and ran a hand through his green hair.

"And why may I ask, are you asking me this?" Konan laughed again.

"Because you make the best tea in the ENTIRE Ame country! Why else?" Tsu gave Konan a side glance before he nodded.

"Fine, if that's how it is." Tsu, walked over to Kisame's room. He knocked a couple times, and once Kisame answered, Tsu whispered something into his ear. Kisame nodded and looked at Konan. He made a hand sign and soon, he was spouting hot water into a bucket (which was conveniently placed by him) from his mouth. When the bucket was full, he gave it to Tsu, who poured some of the water into a tea cup. He handed Konan the cup, which she quickly refused. She turned and ran upstairs.

"Thank you. She needs to learn how to mind her own business." Tsu looked over at Kisame, who was rubbing his chest.

"Warn me next time, I always get bad heartburn after doing that." He walked away and went back into his room.

*Upstairs*

Konan was in a frenzy-she honestly believed that Kisame was providing hot water for their tea. Pein was on the bed, black glasses balanced on top of his piercings (cute image, isn't it?), and a book in his hand. "Konan, you do realize that-"

Konan reached over to him and grabbed his shirt. "He SPEWED water and then served it to me!" Konan continued to rant on and on while she took her shower. Pein just sighed and returned to reading.

"She needs to mind her own business."

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A/N: Here's the question-when else does Kisame spew out warm water?

**P.s. If anyone could draw a picture of Pein with glasses, that would be AWESOME!

Thanks for reading!


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